(Note: We interrupt our three-part series on the creepy side of Social Media to take on an important timely subject: Fat men who take up two seats on airplanes.)
Enough already with this Kevin Smith slob.
By now you’ve heard the story: Smith, who is really superfat and obnoxious and arrogant, was kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight.
He was kicked off because he was fat . . . but the reason weall know about it is because he’s obnoxious and arrogant. Smith has beenblogging and tweeting and podcasting about the incident relentlessly, trying toset himself up as the Rosa Parks of fat people.
Smith is known in Hollywood circles as an “auteur,” which isFrench for: “Someone who writes and directs mediocre movies.” Smith is the guyresponsible for the classic “Zachand Mira Make a Porno,” which any student of serious film can tell you is up therewith “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castles” on the auteur list of great movies.
Now, as a large man myself, I wanted to sympathize with Smith,who is known in some circles as “That Fat Ass Who Made`Clerks.’”
But facts are facts. Southwest has always had a policy onthis topic. I’m not sure of the exact wording of the policy, but it sayssomething like this:
“If you are so fucking fat that when you sit in your chair,your gross belly fat spills into the lap of the person sitting next to you, andyour arm fat takes over both of your armrests like a scene from "The Blob," thenyou have to buy two seats, because we can’t let human hippos like you ruin theflight experience for everybody else.”
Well, Mr. Smith knows the policy. That’s why he always buystwo seats when he flies Southwest! Did you get that? He flies Southwest all thetime! And he always buys two seats, because he knows he looks like what would happen if Dom Deluise ate John Candy!
But on this particular flight, Smith wanted to get on anearlier flight, and on that particular flight, they didn’t have an extra seatfor his blubber. So he crammed himself into one seat, his fat poured itselfinto another . . . and he was asked to leave.
Normally, I’d side with the fat man on this. I mean, as afat man myself, I live in constant fear that someone will ask me to get off a plane.
But Smith was such a jagoff about the whole thing, it’s hardto feel sorry for him. He has sent about a billion tweets ripping Southwest, he’s podcasted theincident, he’s blogged about it.
Like I said, he’s trying to turn himself intoMartin Luther “Burger” King.”
But the thing that turned me against the slob was when heexplained that when he buys two seats, he doesn’t do it because he’s as fat asa walrus. Oh, no. According to Smith, he buys two seats as a “luxury” because”Southwest flights are cheap.”
Then he said this: “I’m flying on the welfare airline, thefood-stamp airline. So I think I can indulge myself with two seats, and I canafford to do it.”
First, do you need any more proof that he’s a complete dick?
Second, what exactly makes Southwest the “welfare airline,the food-stamp airline,” Mr. Smith?
Is it the fact that they continue to make money in anindustry when nobody else seems able to? Is it the fact that, unless you’re thesize of a Beluga whale and trying to cram yourself into one seat, their flightattendants treat you like human beings, and seem to enjoy their work?
Is it the fact that they make their flights affordable toregular people, and not just oversized Hollywood “auteurs?”
Or is it the fact that, on longer flights, they pass out asnack tray and you’re allowed to eat as much as you want!! (Can anyone elseeasily imagine Smith settling into his two seats on a cross country flight anddevouring seven or eight entire snack trays?)
Well . . . I have news for you, Fat Ass. You may have abillion followers on Twitter. You may have some bullshit movies to your credit.You may have a blog and a podcast.
But calling Southwest Airlines the “food stamp” airline andthe “welfare” airline isn’t going to win you any friends.
Oh, and by the way: PLEASE keep your promise to stay offSouthwest Flights. I fly Southwest all the time, and I for one would appreciatethe extra room. Since you have so much money, go buy two seats on United, wheredicks can be dicks, and stay off our little airline.
First, I have a strange affection for Dogma. For that reason, I followed Kevin Smith on Twitter. But since he won’t shut the hell up about this “injustice,” I unfollowed him.
Here’s the reality of this situation — Kevin Smith thinks so highly of Kevin Smith that anyone who challenges his screw-the-sun-Kevin-is-the-center-of-the-universe theology must inherently feel his wrath until his ego is spent. Sadly, his ego is larger than any belly that may have spilled over an armrest.
Here’s the other part — a very small minority of people are genetically destined to be overweight. So, Kevin’s situation, right or otherwise, is ultimately his fault. Instead of being mad at Southwest for making a judgment against his fat ass, perhaps he should realize how much control he has over fixing the problem that made his seating questionable in the first place.
A logistical question — if you buy two seats on Southwest, how do you “protect” the seat next to you, since Southwest offers open seating?
BTW, the cursing is appropriate in this article, Steve, so maybe this fat ass understands what you’re trying to say. Check out Lauryn Hill’s verse in Zealots for all the support you need.
This problem never would of happened if Southwest stopped overbooking their flights. If you ever had a coach seat, you’ll relate to the feeling of be treated like cattle. Regardless of Kevin’s celebrity status, he was humiliated (and a paying customer).
Southwest screwed up royally. Greedy corporate bastards. So if I have too much neck fat, should I get kicked off too?
Kai:
I guess that is the real question here. Is he too fat to fly or not? He says no. But he always buys two seats. I hear he has offered to go on the Daily Show with a typical SWA seat and prove he’s not too fat.
At this point, this is all great, free publicity for him. I read four stories about it online, and ALL of them mentioned his upcoming movie in the first two paragraphs.
So he wins. I don’t think he is humiliated at all. I think he’s loving every bit of it. If he wasn’t, he would have accepted SWA’s apology, and their promise to look into the policy and the circumstances that led to his getting booted off.
He’s milking it now for the new movie, and, I guess, why shouldn’t he? But let’s call it what it is, and not pretend that the BIG CORPORATION humiliated the INNOCENT SLIGHTLY PUDGY GUY for no reason.
Steve C.
Ched:
That’s okay . . . we encourage all brands of profanity here at Corporate Hallucinations, including ones involving parents.
I am fat, but maybe I AM that fat. I usually fly with my wife and business partner Cindy when I fly Southwest, and since I like the aisle, she always takes the middle and I take the aisle.
So she’s the only one who knows if I’m too fat to fly in Southwest seats, and she’s too nice to tell me.
But I never thought I had to purchase two seats, like Mr. Smith. He says he does it because he can afford to . . .but then why not fly a different, non-”welfare, food stamp” airline, and fly business class, or at least economy plus. Or, as I’m sure he flies a lot, accumulate enough miles so that you can upgrade your seat.
There’s something FISHY about his ALWAYS buying two seats “for comfort reasons.”
Imagine how many times he is sitting on the plane, in two seats, and someone asks him if the second seat is taken, and he has to say: “Yes, I bought that for myself too,” or something like that.
I simply don’t buy his story, and I think he’s blowing this thing WAY out of proportion to promote his movie.
And even people with five billion followers on twitter should be called on their bullshit.
Steve C.
I think you are wrong, Steve. What the airlines should be doing is focusing on is how to better serve their customers–and not figuring ways to throw them off the plane. The whole industry is a mess. As for Southwest, I too have had my share of problems for which I will never fly them again–no matter how much feel good markeing they do, or how good they are at social media. In the end is about the customer–the “fat” ones and all.
Mark:
I won’t argue that the whole industry is a mess. As a seminar leader and consultant, I think I fly more than the average person (I think I fly more than any sane person every should), and I fly on all different airlines.
It is a horrible industry. But I do think Southwest does the best job out of anyone at treating you like a human being.
Are they perfect? No. But they try the hardest.
I’ve read the Southwest response to Smith. They did apologize. They did refund his money. They did try to explain the circumstances that led to him being removed (which can be tricky to do, without saying, ‘you are too fat to fly.’).
I think they did the best they could. And, again, I think Smith is milking this for all it’s worth, for the sake of his movie.
Steve C.
Elizabeth:
You bring up an interesting point:
>>>>A logistical question — if you buy two seats on Southwest, how do you “protect” the seat next to you, since Southwest offers open seating?<<<<
You’re right. Just because you bought two seats doesn’t mean you get to get them both together. If my wife and I buy two seats, we aren’t guaranteed to sit together.
I hope to one day find Kevin Smith on a plane. I will insist on sitting next to him.
“But I bought that seat because I can afford to, on this welfare, food stamp airline,” he’ll say, because he’s a comedian, and really funny.
“You didn’t buy THAT seat,” I’ll say, because I’m a dickhead. “You bought A seat. You’ll have to move your fat to row 34, seat B, in the middle.”
Steve C.
Their policy is that if you cannot buckle the seat belt or put the arm rests down, you must purchase two seats. He may be fat, but he isn’t that fat.
Don’t tell a fat person to go get on the one seat on the plane and then usher them off right afterwards to make them feel like an idiot in front of everyone. I agree with him wholeheartedly. I fly SW all the time and I’ve been sat next to people who seemed capable of making Rosie O’Donnell look like Nicole Ritchie and I didn’t see them purchasing two seats.
Oh and I forgot to mention, the only reason that Southwest has managed to avoid bag fees and every other damn fee is that they were the one airline that properly hedged their risk against rising gasoline prices before the oil market shot through the roof.
Steve, did we get this whole thing started when we brought it up to you at the afternoon workshop on Monday? Classic.
Steve – I just don’t buy the publicity argument, sorry. There would have been much less personally humiliating ways to get publicity for the movie (though with Willis and Morgan in it, it’s not going be short of press regardless, frankly).
Crux of the matter: he says he can fit in the seat, and has offered to prove it on TV. Southwest haven’t taken him up on it…. why not?
Agree that this has turned into somewhat of a crusade for him, but you know what? Fair enough. Everyone should have the right to be treated humanely, and there’s certainly no reason to humiliate people. If Smith shining a spotlight on the issue makes more people think about that, then I’m all for it.
You can bet your bottom dollar a bunch of folks will be reviewing how they implement their policies as a result of what he’s doing, so good on him.
Darin:
YES!!! I didn’t know anything about it, and may never have known anything about it, since I didn’t even know who Kevin Smith was . . . until someone brought it up in the workshop in Kentucky.
But what a great discussion.
Kai and Ran: You are certainly right. There are better ways of getting publicity.
I just got back from the gym, which is always an ordeal for me. And while on the treadmill, I really tried to put myself in his shoes.
If I COULD buckle the seatbelt (which I can, easily); and I COULD put the armrests down (which I can, easily), and the STILL removed me from the plane . . . . I would probably go ape shit as well.
In fact, I doubt very much, since I like to have a drink or three before I fly, that they would have gotten me off the plane without a major incident.
I’m fat, but I’m strong. Some people would have gone to jail, and some would have gone to the hospital, but I probably would not leave quietly.
I’ve been assuming he was couldn’t pass the fat test. If he could . . .
Steve C.
Steve, thanks for calling attention to the real over-sized element in this story – Kevin Smith’s ego. You forgot this detail, which puts the whole matter into a different perspective:
“He said he suspected he may have been bumped by an airline employee who did not like his comic films…”
http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/Movies/02/15/kevin.smith.southwest/
It’s all about Smith playing the Do You Know Who I Am? card. And by transparently exploiting the situation to promote a movie, throwing a 200-tweet (and still counting…) tweakout tantrum, attempting to rouse his 1.6 million Twitter followers to storm the Southwest boarding areas, he’s done overweight folks no favor. Most people who aren’t rabid Kevin Smith fans saw this for the much-ado-about-nothing publicity stunt it was and have taken the airline’s side.
Speaking of the mindless fans whose only contribution to the debate is parroting their exalted leader’s claim that he really did fit in the seat, here’s the part they’re missing:
“Are you squished?” he’d asked the woman next to him after he was asked to get off the plane. “It’s only an hour flight,” she replied. In other words: “Yes, actually … but I’m too polite to say it to your face.”
http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/columnists/thomas-sutcliffe/tom-sutcliffe-rape-should-not-just-be-an-issue-for-women-1900570.html
But Smith has accomplished something this week – he’s become the poster child for spoiled, minor celebs who squander their fame and social capital on pointless, self-centered, self-serving agendas.
Oliver, I love you.
I had heard that he claimed he was tossed because someone didn’t like his films. Can you imagine?
And I didn’t hear the “Are you squished?” line. That’s a classic. As is “tweakout tantrum.”
I’ll be using that one for a while. Thanks for that.
Steve C.
Steve,
OK, I’m calling it:
This is the funniest post of the new year. Or maybe of the past two years!
But I have to tell you a story:
I sat for 5 hours next to some 800-pound guy on an American Airlines flight back from our Microsoft conference. He spilled so far over into my space that I was plastered to the wall of the fuselage.
When I got off the plane, I was so angry that I complained to the American desk. The woman looked at me and shrugged disdainfully, as if to say, “what
do you want me to do about it.”
She gave me that look that every non-Southwest Airlines airline employee gives you, i.e., “please don’t tell me your problems because I hate my company more than you do.”
Of course, this made me even angrier and I blurted out, “Why is it that you guys are so miserable and Southwest employees are so happy?”
Amazingly, she actually paused and thought about it. Then this is what she said,
“You know, I don’t know.
“And I think we get paid more.”
And by the way, doesn’t “Ched” know the rules:
“Eh, no mothers! No Mothers!”
Ched,
Thanks for the clarification. In his workshops, Steve rightfully rails against the use of cliches,
“Fuck your mother” is a cliche.
I recommend that you try being a bit more clever in the future. Mix it up a bit. Try “Fuck your cat!”
I mean, no one ever tells someone to “fuck your cat.”
It helps when you surprise the reader with something new.
–Mark, writing coach
Mark:
Thanks for weighing in! There is a real lesson in employee engagement in your story about American Airlines.
The engagement gurus always say it’s not about pay . . . and that story would certainly seem to line up with that.
Steve C.
P.S. I’ve had people tell me to fuck my cat. But that’s only because my cat doubles as my IT department.
Instead of siding with the fat guy, why not get out there and lose some fucking weight, you lazy fuckers. All of you fat people are in the same boat. Put the remote down, back away from the chips, and go something against your own fat.
Well done! You nailed it, Steve. Sometimes arrogant slobs like Smith deserve to be humiliated and knocked down a few pigs…I mean pegs.
I think you’re also missing a rather large (no pun intended) part of the story. Right after his initial ordeal with SW (even though he fully fit the one-seat criterion of fitting with armrests down), they rudely handled another “person of size” who does not need to purchase additional seating (again, following their own criteria). She was a repeat customer who flew Southwest frequently because of their low fares. I think it’s safe to say that they lost her as a customer too.
Her story can be heard here:
http://smodcast.com/smods/smodcast107.html
As of right now, SW has refused to approach Natali-or even apologise for their crude handling of the situation. Me thinks they need to do some serious retraining at the Oakland Airport…
You can hate his movies all you want, or hate the fact that he was crude in his handling of the whole thing. (I would disagree,-I’d be equally pissed.) But I think Natali’s story is what really turned this into a crusade for Kevin Smith.
I don’t care for Kevin Smith either, but it’s evident Southwest doesn’t need to worry about communications with all the public ass-kissing you’re giving them, Steve.
You know, like South West, or hate South West. Believe Kevin Smith is a god, or believe that he’s an self-important goof. Whatever.
At this point, here’s my question: What the hell is it, exactly, that Kevin Smith WANTS here?? Because, from what I’ve seen, SW has apologized to him [you may not be satisfied about the specific words they used, but they DID apologize], they’ve refunded his airfare, and they’ve said they’re going to look at how this contentious policy is implemented in future. What more are they supposed to DO, precisely???
SW is a business, and whether the entire world likes it or not, they need, and are completely entitled to have, policies about how they run their business. Should the policies be implemented consistently? Yes. And they’ve said they’re going to look at that. If you are a “customer of size” and you don’t feel comfortable with how SW implements their policy, you have every right to not fly their airline. But the world doesn’t owe you anything. If all this is so humilating, I would think you would WANT to avoid this airline. Intentionally putting yourself somewhere you could be put through something like this seems kind of foolish to me. But again, it’s a free country.
Bottom line – at this point, Kevin Smith is just beating a dead horse. There is nothing more that SW CAN, or frankly, SHOULD do for him. His continued ranting accomplishes nothing, even for him personally except maybe he enjoys venting his spleen ad nauseum.
He isn’t going to convince any more people than he already has that he’s a poor, maligned, innocent customer, badly treated by the big, mean airline, and he isn’t likely to affect the opinions of those who think he’s an arrogant jerk at this point either.
So I am back to full circle with the title of Steve’s post: “Hey Kevin Smith! Shut up already and fly United”. Can we move on to something that’s actually interesting to talk about now??!! PLEASE!!
@Kristen: Having listened and read Kevin Smith’s stuff on the subject, he wanted Linda from Southwest to clearly say that he did *not* fit within their “Customer of Size” policy, as he clearly fit within the confines of one seat. He wanted them to say that the pilot did not request him to leave. (This was clearly a lie the SW rep at the airport used.) And he wanted them to apologize and make-good with Natali-the second person in this story. They’ve done none of it. But apart from that, he’s seemed to have moved on from this incident. (Natali hasn’t-and rightly so IMHO.)
But people who may be affected by the capricious manner of this policy…they haven’t. And frankly, if I was a bit heftier, I’d be concerned too. SW got a black eye from this experience…and they deserve it.
Wow…
I listen to smodcast regularly and listened to Kevin’s side of the story. Not only was he kicked off for not being to fat but the next flight he was on after, a poor girl was taken off the plane and told she should think about buying two seats. She didn’t have to and was allowed to fly, just humiliated before take-off.
A SW manager admitted that Smith should not have been kicked off. He flew SW to San Fransisco without a problem. They let him fly the next flight without a problem, so clearly this was someones opinion and not policy.
AN
Amen! Kevin Smith is a fat, whiny slob who would do well to spend some of the money he spends on that 2nd seat on lap-band surgery.
I never heard of this idiot Kevin Smith until the SWA kerfufle. Guys like Kevin Smith should be carved out of the U.S.A.