Well, after what can only be described as a torturous 15-hour flight from Chicago, Cindy and I have arrived safely in Hong Kong.

We flew cattle class, and we didn’t even get our own little mini-TVs at our seats, like they give you on just about every flight to Europe. We had to share a TV, which meant we had no say over what movies we got to watch, no TV shows, no little map to chart the progress of the flight.

And of course the fat-ass slob in front of me immediately cranked his seat ALL the way back, pinning me in my seat and making it impossible to work on my laptop. He had one of those little toilet seat pillows on his neck, and I swear to God, right around Hour 9, I almost strangled him with it.

And it was far and away the worst food I’ve ever had on a flight. My wife just recovered from food poisoning brought on by a tainted spinach salad. For two days, she lived in the bathroom.  And at one point, as she stared at some shapeless, colorless hunks of what was supposed to be chicken,  she actually said:

“I would trade this for that spinach salad in a minute.” I would have, too.

And did I mention that the flight was 15 HOURS?

I kept telling myself that there was no way any city could be worth that kind of agony. I was wrong. Hong Kong is amazing, and worth every agonizing minute of that awful flight . . . but more on that in the next couple of days.

We’re in Hong Kong so I can give a couple of presentations to IABC’s first-ever Global Communication Conference, which starts tomorrow. It promises to be a great show, with a terrific turnout.

I did extensive research on Hong Kong before coming here . . . which means to say that I re-read Tai Pan, James Clavell’s awesome novel about the founding of Hong Kong and the opium wars of the mid-19th century. If you’ve never read it, you should. It’s in my top ten books of all time.

Anyway . . . the “Tai Pan” in the title is Dirk Struan. Tai Pan means something like “Supreme Leader,” and Struan is the Tai Pan of Noble House, the most powerful trading company in Asia.

To get in the mood for Hong Kong, I’ve been trying to get Cindy to call me “Tai Pan.” It’s not working. Here is a typical conversation that we’ve been having the past couple of weeks:

Steve: “The whole time we’re in Hong Kong, I want you to call me Tai Pan, okay?”

Cindy: “Why? Is that Chinese for dickhead or something?”

Steve: “Ha ha. No, it means Supreme Ruler. It’s a sign of respect. The ultimate respect. When I’m in Hong Kong, I am the Tai Pan.”

Cindy: “Yeah, okay. Whatever.”

Steve: “Say it.”

Cindy: “When you’re in Hong Kong, you’re Peter Pan. Okay?”

Steve: “Not Peter Pan. Tai Pan.”

Cindy: “Okay, cake pan. Whatever you say, roasting pan.”

And so on, and so on.

Anyway, Cindy and I had a free day today (Wednesday) before the conference, so we did what we always do the first time in a new city. Had breakfast, got a map, and then set out to get lost. Which we did, and it was one of our favorite days ever.

But there’s a new twist to our explorations, and I’m not sure I like it.

See, a couple of weeks ago, Cindy went on a “Photo Walk,” with the great Suzanne Salvo who, with her husband Chris, are the best photographers in the business. Not only did Cindy go on the photo walk, but Suzanne helped her buy a really nice camera, and gave her a private lesson in how to use it.

A “Photo Walk” is a wonderful thing. Suzanne leads a group of folks out on the town, into interesting places, and shows them how to find and take cool photos. She talks about how light matters, how angles can add drama, when you want people in the shot and when you don’t, and all sorts of cool things.

Well, Cindy says the Photo Walk she did in Vancouver was the greatest thing she has ever done (and remember, she has had sex with Tai Pan!), and she’s completely hooked on photography now.

Which is nice. I’m glad she has a cool hobby. But it’s sort of a nightmare, too. Because every time we leave the house for any reason, it has the potential to turn into a 45-minute “Photo Walk.”

Today, we hadn’t gotten fifteen feet from the hotel door before Cindy was in a crouch, aiming her camera up between two buildings, saying things like, “Look at the way that light is coming in,” and “my God, I think I can get the reflection of those flowers in that storefront window!”

That’s my life now. Simple walks are now lengthy photo excursions.

At first, I tried to use her passion to my advantage. Sitting at home, watching TV with her, I’d casually walk over to the window, pull aside the drapes, gasp loudly, and say something like:

“My GOD, this is amazing light. What a great time to do a Photo Walk.”

Then, as Cindy would start scrambling for her camera, I’d casually add:

“I’d love to go, but I’m on deadline. But as long as you’re going out, can you swing by the Clark and Dog and get lunch? I’ll take a chili cheese dog and fries.”

While she was still on a high from Vancouver, I actually got away with that a couple of times.

Those days are over. Here’s a conversation we had the other day:

Steve: “Hey, it’s really pretty outside. You should do a photo walk down Clark, with the Hancock building in the background, providing some really cool perspective and reflections and light and stuff. And while you’re out, can you stop at Binny’s and get a big jug of table wine?

Cindy: “Fuck off.”

So now I have to deal with my wife’s new hobby without reaping any of the benefits. Oh, sure, I get to see the pictures. And she is getting pretty good. But I’d rather have a chili cheese dog and a jug of wine.

So thanks, Suzanne Salvo. Thank you for my own personal Frankenstein. I’m married to a monster with a camera.

By the way, Suzanne is doing her Photo Walk at the IABC World Conference in Toronto in June. You should go. Really cool light and buildings and angles in Toronto. And while you’re out there, can you get a bottles of Hendricks gin and leave it in my name at the hotel front desk? Thanks.

More on Hong Kong and the IABC Conference as things develop.

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